so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
