i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
