So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
