Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
