you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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