I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
