i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
