I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
