I cannot find my penis.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
