my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
