Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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