He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
