she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
