Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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