Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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