i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
