i permit you to call me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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