I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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