So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
