I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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