Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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