Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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