I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
