I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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