Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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