I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
