Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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