Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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