So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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