My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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