god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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