I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
