found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
