Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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