I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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