I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
