Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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