I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
