When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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