i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
