We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
