I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize