I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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