You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
