You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
