I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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