Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
