I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
