Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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