I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
