I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
