when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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