So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
