I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
