I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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