A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize