Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
