You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mom said you looked used
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
