i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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