I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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