I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
